Intimidated

That's how I feel about blogging sometimes.  :)

All is well here, Miss E decided to start walking on January 3rd.  She had been taking awkward 2-3 steps before falling into our arms before that.  But she had something held in both her hands, and just started walking small steps without any encouragement.  She's into everything, I bought the latches for the cupboards and Dan just has to install them.

You may not have known but I am no longer employed.  And I love it.  I thought the transition would be a bit harder, you know, having been used to adult interaction and feeling productive.  But no.  No checking my schedule when events come up, no incomplete homework, no twice-a-week awake till midnight, no patient-satisfaction-not-up-to-par staff meetings, no going without seeing Dan for 24 hours, no preparing meals at noon or making sure a frozen pizza is in the fridge, and NO BABYSITTERS!  I have wonderful friends who traded with me, and a willing mother and mother-in-law (Love you!)  But it was the bane of my existence, can't quite tell you why, I'm sure some of it was subconscious that I would really rather be the one taking care of my kids.  I hated making those calls each week.

Now I can volunteer at the school, make playdates, and mom-dates (I don't know what you call it when you get the kids together as an excuse to hang out with your friends), make dinner, do homework, feel (mostly) rested in the morning, never miss church, never miss birthdays, never miss holidays, never miss family coming into town, never miss anything really.  I love it.

The productivity part is definitely difficult to measure, however.  The patients at work did usually give good feedback, and the medication room and nursery and nurse's station were always clean, housekeeping did the bathrooms and floors, linen management did the laundry and food services cooked 3 meals a day.  :)  I am getting dinner (many are simpler than I grew up with, and Dan's happy, so it doesn't really matter) on the table mostly everyday, the kids sort the laundry and Dan and I fold together, I do have to supervise the kids cleaning the bathrooms, and sometimes everyone's beds get made.  We're working on it.  Unless I stay home all day (which I often enjoy having somewhere to go, gets me up and going) it's hard to keep 'clean' maintained.  I have decided that that goal must be achievable when everyone is over age 10, maybe.  My friend says now that her boys are older: 10, 13 and 15 and they can help reliably her house is much cleaner than when they were little.  My good friends and my fabulous cousin share the same feelings as mine.  So it IS an illusion.  Everyone else's house is NOT cleaner than yours, but many are like me, if they are expecting anyone, they clean a bit more, so it looks good.  I do know that there are some women who are fantastic at keeping up the clean, and I salute you.  I saw a candle in the store that said, "Pardon the mess, my kids are making memories." and my mom had one hanging in her room the entire time I grew up, "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow; so quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."  I'm trying to find a happy medium, because clean definitely feels better than messy.  I have realized if I have one room clean and 2 surfaces in the kitchen, I can cope pretty ok.

That's enough.  It's really long, and the baby is losing patience.